---
title: "The Smalltalk Question"
url: https://perrotta.dev/2025/04/the-smalltalk-question/
last_updated: 2025-04-20
---


[The Smalltalk Question](http://www.aaronsw.com/weblog/smalltalkq) by Aaron
Swartz, via
[Raw Thought, Raw Nerve: Inside the Mind of Aaron Swartz](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/24091886-raw-thought-raw-nerve):

> One of the minor puzzles of American life is what question to ask people at
> parties and suchly to get to know them.
>
> "How ya doin'?" is of course mere formality, only the most troubled would
> answer honestly for anything but the positive.
>
> "What do you do?" is somewhat offensive. First, it really means "what
> occupation do you hold?" and thus implies you do little outside your
> occupation. Second, it implies that one's occupation is the most salient fact
> about them. Third, it rarely leads to further useful inquiry. For only a
> handful of occupations, you will be able to say something somewhat relevant,
> but even this will no doubt be slightly annoying or offensive. ("Oh yeah, I
> always thought about studying history.")
>
> "Where are you from?" is even less fruitful.
>
> [...]
>
> I propose instead that one ask **"What have you been thinking about lately?"**
> First, the question is extremely open-ended. The answer could be a book, a
> movie, a relationship, a class, a job, a hobby, etc. Even better, it will be
> whichever of these is most interesting at the moment. Second, it sends the
> message that thinking, and thinking about thinking, is a fundamental human
> activity, and thus encourages it. Third, it's easiest to answer, since by its
> nature its asking about what's already on the person's mind. Fourth, it's
> likely to lead to productive dialog, as you can discuss the topic together and
> hopefully make progress. Fifth, the answer is quite likely to be novel. Unlike
> books and occupations, people's thoughts seem to be endlessly varied. Sixth,
> it helps capture a person's essence. A job can be forced by circumstance and
> parentage, but our thoughts are all our own. I can think of little better way
> to quickly gauge what a person is really like.

_(emphasis mine)_

So, what have you been thinking about lately?